stuck

well it’s safe to say that i have been incredibly stuck as to what to go with, see through, play with, take a chance on. the ideas are either great but physically impossible at this time, or ok but can easily be put into reality. 

i’d love to play with the space within a room idea, but without the knowledge of what room that would be i instantly become stuck. i’ve searched and searched for places to hire/rent, which to be honest aren’t exactly over flowing in the near vicinity. i am happy to put on a joint exhibition in order to choose the room, but the cost is prohibitive unless shared, and i can;t really ask my friends to be ready in a couple of weeks and pay out just because i have a deadline. i think in regards to the august deadline it’s a distinct possibility, but still putting the feelers out. 

i still feel the images are relevant, even though it draws away from the space in relation to room size idea. as my tutor said in passing – it then becomes temporal. it is and it isn’t. the value is based on the amount of years i had a direct physical relationship with these places, but moreover, it directly links to how i feel within a space, which is where this all began – with the shed being too small to be free to be creative, and simply having a larger space i felt able to create. 

maybe i didn’t explain that well enough in my tutorial with SB, that the emphasis is all to do with how a space feels when you are inside it. 

however, the direct-volume-of-a-room-affecting-the-scale-of-the-work is a great and valid idea. 

i had been avoiding buying the materials needed to carry out the 30 cubes, and i initially felt this was to do with a gut instinct that it was not where this idea was going to end up, but now i realise it was more to do with feeling able to justify spending money on something that only has a chance of becoming a physical reality. after years of running my own business, and doing my own books, there is not a penny spent without multi value being able to be gained from the materials in their future possibilities. i’ve been there too many times to waste more pennies. but in reality, i’m only doing this MA once so i need to take that step no matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel. 

so essentially, it comes down to going and spending the money to be able to see the idea through, as without starting the process it will always be stuck as it is, and even if i do move on that is not a bad thing, even if it feels frivolous and wasteful. 

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