struggles

i have been avoiding the blog with intention after getting what i consider to be an awful mark. i still finding it hard to accept and move on, but my hand is being forced in that i have the group seminar next week, then the following two weeks are my research.

the research is to be a series of workshops with birmingham schools, which is an event put on by BCU every year, its just that this time i will be basing it around my theme of “how to make a cube”. again, this is something i have lost all motivation with and so it’s not ready at all.

i’ve spoken to hubby and friends, and they reassure me that everything is well but i’m still not convinced, although the anger seems to have subsided.

for the group seminar i am going to display, on shelf/shelves, a series of cubes that are a mix of two materials, a series of photos of the cubes out on location, and ideally the glass cube will be mounted on a stand so people can walk around it. my friend said “just play”.

the thing is that i was actually looking forward to it, but now i really couldn’t give a damn, and will probably get highly annoyed by the whole experience.

i don’t know whether to go back to the life lies, or whether to include text; my poetry or others; or to just jack it all in.

i know self doubt is meant to feed creativity but it is just blocking mine! also, i’ve realised that by giving my students ideas constantly on how to improve their work it means that by the time i get to mine, there’s no creativity left ‘in the tank’. maybe it would be better if i wasn’t doing the job i do, so that i could put all my focus in on this but equally i’m finding the whole deadline and criteria incredibly stifling.

off to see the summer exhibition on fri so hoping that will help.

anyway here are the photos i’ll be using for my group seminar:-

IMG_8891 IMG_8907n IMG_8976 IMG_8993 IMG_8990n IMG_9036 IMG_9031 IMG_9040 IMG_8919n IMG_8921n IMG_8970n IMG_8986 IMG_9026

 

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