I don’t know how but I ended up looking back at the blog I’d originally written in 2012, which followed both a new body of work and a first step into blogging, but it made me realise how much I benefitted from recording my thoughts. While I was doing my MA my blog writing did slip, mainly due to the volume of writing required for the coursework, but still the blog was maintained via images and research based observations. Since then the blog has continued but very lightly, more commenting on events than any real thought processes.
However, there is now another phase in my life, which I believe needs recognising and recording, to allow growth and a more considered path into future forays.
In June this year I took voluntary severance from my teaching job, after 11 years with the same employer. I was exhausted by the job, and no longer had any resilience against the negativity that was being spewed out at an alarming rate by both the management and the government. Now, I have been through a few months of decompressing from it all, I still consider myself an artist educator but not in terms of a traditional setting.
A good friend of mine left the same college at the same time, and so we regularly meet up to talk, think and process this massive change for us both. For that I am so grateful as it has been such a rollercoaster of emotions that I really wasn’t prepared for. Sometimes we just moan and winge, but mostly we help each other with the confusing and annoying bits.
Today was one of those days. We met so I could scope out a possible new independent shop for me to sell my jewellery in that my friend had recommended, which is one of my tasks I am working through, but it was the conversation that really struck a chord.
R had been to a meeting the night before on how to handle procrastination, something we’ve talked about before when meeting up. She told me a few of the comments that had been discussed, but it was the idea of ‘accountability’ that hit home.
And that’s it. If I am genuinely going to embark on this endeavour to push my business further than ever before then I need to realise, accept and put into work taking ownership of this. I’ve always worked for someone else, and the business before my VS was always a rebellion against this fact, so if you take this away then all of a sudden I must take responsibility for it. It is MY business. No one else’s. If I truly want this, which I do, then I need to take accountability for its happening.
R said you need to think if it didn’t happen, how would you feel? And then, if it did go where you want to end up, how would you feel? I would be gutted if it didn’t happen, and so ecstatically happy if it did. To have my work recognised to a level of a real wide ranging customer base, who repeatedly buy my work would be utterly amazing.
I’m not deluded enough to know that there isn’t still a gap between where I am and where I want to be, but still it is a gap that I can’t wait to explore and dive head first into. But I need to take accountability of closing the gap and pushing myself whilst I explore.
So from now on, head down and staying focussed is the way forward. It won’t be plain sailing but still it’s going to be a blast, and I love learning and feeling proud of what I do, so what am I waiting for…………